Picture a half-Japanese, half-Korean twenty-something with a 10-gallon hat on his head and a stalk of wheat hanging from his lip. That’s KoJa. Don’t be fooled by the name (a portmanteau of Korea and Japan)—when it comes to style and soul, KoJa’s all-American. Burgers, wings, tacos, fries. Their menu looks like a Hooters' menu, only built from rice and miso, kimchi and barbecue—the staple ingredients of Korean and Japanese cuisine.
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I was excited for Square One Cucumber vodka. I’m always keen to try local products and Square one is a Novato-based distillery. Their cucumber vodka got rave reviews within the industry for its authentic capture of cucumber and a respect from outside the industry for its conscientious craft production. Even Oprah liked it, for what it's worth. The Tasting: Within seconds of uncapping the bottle I smelled cucumber water. The kind you might expect to find in the pitcher at a luxurious hotel lobby, filled with ice and fresh slices of the mild fruit. The flavor isn’t syrupy or saccharine like so many other flavor-infused liquors—I’m looking at you Pinnacle Swedish Fish vodka. Most impressively, the crispness of the cucumber takes off that acrid flair of vodka--you know that chemical burn of high proof booze that shoots through the sinuses. Sounds great, right? Not so much. Once the cucumber taste fades—and it fades fast—you’re left with the taste of bad vodka. It’s not Popov bad, but it ain’t much better. This cool-to-caustic vodka tastes of refreshing cucumber one second and rubbing alcohol for five minutes thereafter. In summary, Square One Cucumber isn’t the flavor-infused messiah vodka drinkers have been waiting for. And remember kids, beware products touting “organic” credentials, it’s a nebulous claim and certainly no guarantee of quality. The upscale American bistro franchise The Counter is best known for its excessively customizable burgers. The 100-plus-ingredient burger menu is printed on a whiteboard and comes with an Expo pen with which you can check off whatever weird options strike your fancy—(looking at you Thai peanut sauce)—without having to memorize and recite them all for your server. Your comfort with executive decision making will determine if you view this as a limitless build-a-burger workshop or a paralysis-inducing option overload. It was The Counter’s alcoholic milkshakes, though, that recently brought the family together for my brother’s, a.k.a. Big Willy, 31st birthday. This birthday boy is crazy about his boozy shakes and insisted on ordering a variety. We must have wound up drinking half bottle of liquor and damn near a full cow udder of dairy that night.
Their “Adult Shakes” are also customizable, but mixing and matching liquor and lactose is no task for a newcomer. Rather I recommend choosing one of these four pre-builds and—for the love of God—avoid the unholy whole-milk abomination at the end of this list:
On Friday Nov. 6th I was asked by BayArea.com to attend the San Francisco Vintners Reserve and write about my evening. As I no longer own that write up, I can’t legally post my own words here. So instead, I give you a collection of the best words spoken by others that night:
“Look, I think she’s having a winegasm, she can’t even stand!... Wait. Nevermind. She’s just drunk.” “Why don’t you go get a drink for the lady while we finish up some paperwork?” -Time share salesman to man, after noticing him flashing skeptical looks at his girlfriend. “This wine is classic, not slutty. Just like me.” “Sometimes you just don’t want to open a $100 bottle of wine on a Tuesday night” “They’re being so stingy on the pour. It’s like they’re spitting on me!” “These grapes come from a secret region known only to vintners.” “Where’s that?’ “Atlas Peak.” “Let’s grab an Uber so we can get home and eat some cheese while our mouths still taste like wine. One other thing worth mentioning: The company First Aid Shot Therapy was passing out single shots of their liquid hangover remedy. Out of necessity, I tested them the next morning. And though they aren’t a cure all, they make a real difference. I found they worked best with a bacon sandwich and mimosa. Check it out in the link below: I was out of place in more than one way at the Presidio Movie Night last Friday.
Most visibly, I was a childless man in a park full of hundreds of families come to watch Pixar’s Inside Out. I realized as kids frolicked through bubble machines on the lawn of the Presidio’s Main Post, that the bottle of Sudwerk’s 3 Best Friends lager I’d snuck into Sarah’s purse was probably a no go. I compensated by stocking up on the free popcorn and It’s-Its, including the last Mint-Chocolate Chip sandwich. We used a blanket to hold this treasure hoard of snacks, as well as our space on the lawn. Sarah’s decision to bring the blanket reflected apt forethought and preparation: With the drought on, the Presidio has ceased using sprinklers, leaving the lawn—and the butts of anyone sitting on it—brown and cakey. Sarah’s decision to lay the whiteside of the blanket face down on the lawn did not reflect those same qualities. While scouring the snack tables for more free treats I came across a trivia table, which offered stationery prizes and a precocious young girl whose third degree made me aware of a second way in which I didn’t belong. “Answer these 3 questions,” she bade me. In an effort to enlighten my tastes in spirits and liquors I visited St. George Spirits, creators of Hangar 1 vodka. Recently they sold off that brand to a bigger company, Proximo Liquors, who is better able to handle the international scale of production and distribution that Hangar 1 now merits. The sale has freed up master distiller Lance Winters and the rest of the team at St. George Spirits to focus on what they do best: research and produce experimental, top-quality spirits. On a recent visit to their Alameda distillery I was treated to a tour which unfolded in two parts. First, a knowledgeable guide walked us through their distillery and talked us through, in exacting detail, the scientific and artistic processes they use to produce their signature craft spirits. Second, we drank the following 5 spirits: Labor Day marked my first excursion into my new neighborhood, San Francisco's Outer Richmond district.. Unfortunately, I was largely disappointed. To be fair, I can't I can't really blame the neighborhood for the regrettable rooftop party, or the ill-advised decision to play some drinking game called "rage cage" with the college students living above me. It wasn't the neighborhood that made me drunk and sunburned, it wasn't the neighborhood that made me drink the "bitch cup", and it certainly wasn't the neighborhood that asked me how old I was in front of everyone. Labor Day was not a total loss, though, thanks to my discovery of the Asian fusion restaurant Red Lantern. It's hard to miss, sitting on the corner of Geary and 22nd, decorated with paper lanterns and its emanating Asian pan-flute music from within. Berkeley's Eureka was for me, an aptly named accidental discovery. The man selling The Street Spirit on the corner of Bancroft pointed it out to me after I told him "no, I'm not looking for any weed, just a place to watch the Raiders game".
Eureka, demarcated on their sign with only a "!", is not your typical sports bar. The entryway is lined with shelves of whiskeys, presumably stored at their ideal temperatures. The front wall is open to the street and closely arranged tables fill the central seating area in a way that makes the restaurant feel more like an indoor patio than the common sports bars, in which patrons slouch towards dimly lit corners. Every chef knows that presentation separates a dining experience from a meal. Rachel and Michael Dunn, the Concord-based chocolatiers of Rachel Dunn Chocolates, know that presentation separates their confectionery from candy. Presentation is also what distinguishes the company's Chocolate Workshop from any old cooking class.
On July 14 the Bay Area food truck festival "Off The Grid" brought its culinary cavalcade for the first time to Walnut Creek and I, along with my girlfriend Sarah, were among the hundreds who were front and center for the gourmet fast food premier. Some foodies came from afar to see how Walnut Creek compared to Off the Grid's several dozen other locales. Some locals came only with vague notions of "checking it out." Sarah and I, though, had arrived with a mission: eat a meal from every food truck. All ten of them.
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