The upscale American bistro franchise The Counter is best known for its excessively customizable burgers. The 100-plus-ingredient burger menu is printed on a whiteboard and comes with an Expo pen with which you can check off whatever weird options strike your fancy—(looking at you Thai peanut sauce)—without having to memorize and recite them all for your server. Your comfort with executive decision making will determine if you view this as a limitless build-a-burger workshop or a paralysis-inducing option overload. It was The Counter’s alcoholic milkshakes, though, that recently brought the family together for my brother’s, a.k.a. Big Willy, 31st birthday. This birthday boy is crazy about his boozy shakes and insisted on ordering a variety. We must have wound up drinking half bottle of liquor and damn near a full cow udder of dairy that night.
Their “Adult Shakes” are also customizable, but mixing and matching liquor and lactose is no task for a newcomer. Rather I recommend choosing one of these four pre-builds and—for the love of God—avoid the unholy whole-milk abomination at the end of this list:
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